It’s been two months and “living the dream” has been full of happiness and insanity all at once. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
Not everyone will give their seat up on the subway for those who are super pregnant.
No one will flinch if you start peeing right next to a group of summer camp children.
YOU MUST BE FIRST. RUN, PUSH, YELL, EVEN MAME, BUT DO NOT MISS THAT TRAIN!!
If you’re spending $9 on lunch–that’s a deal.
Bathing naked in public fountains is acceptable in 95 degree weather.
Not all dogs in the dog park are “friendly.”
Pretending to be on the phone will spare you that long conversation about donating money to an obscure children’s basketball league from a grown man with no visible children or shirt.
Looking at the ground helps you walk faster, avoid puddles, and crash into others doing the same.
It is not required to say hello to anyone, ever. Weirdo.
Do not interrupt the man loudly explaining to himself why he can’t sell his shoes to the mouse that lay next to him all night on the street!!
The landscapers do not care if you’re wearing heels whilst they clean the sidewalk with buckets of soapy water.
“Vintage boutique” prices are comparable to Prada.
Run-off from thunderstorms can give you airborne illnesses.
The sexiest words real estate agents can utter are “rent-controlled.”
Apartment-hunting will consume your wallet, life, and sanity.
It’s never too hot to wear a Spider-Man costume.
Trains and subways run on a very precise but “be prepared for cancellations” type of schedule.
There is no “air-conditioning” underground. Brace yourself for the sweatiest mixture of foreign smells.
Coffee for $3 is made from the grinding of different dirt rocks found in city parks. Coffee for $6 is a tall size at Starbucks.
If you’re not eating a fancy salad in Washington Square Park, you can’t sit here.
You will get spit on for no reason. It is only human nature to spit.
Even your best walking shoes will get destroyed. It’s time to move on.
Each borough is it’s own little world. Finding where you belong is the challenge.
Walking from one street to the next is NOT like walking from avenue to avenue. One will be fun and swift, the other will make you weak with sweat.
You can wear anything you want and no one will take a second look. So bring out the leg warmers and fuzzy cowboy hat and WORK IT.
Not all apartments have a bedroom. Or a bathroom. Or a stove. Or a reasonable price.
Bikers will not stop for you, even if the light is red. They have “special privileges.”
Don’t stare at the artwork on the street if you don’t have cash.
The NYC mantra: “I am always in a hurry. Even when I am early, I must rush.”
The gum on the streets is in fact not “free candy.” Unless you’re into that. Just remember: no one cares.
